Home Sweet Apartment: 10 Simple Rules

Over the past ten years, I’ve had a good many neighbors, some of which were the “you-get-the-gold-star” kind, but most have been the classic “I-don’t-give-a-care-if-it-bothers-you” type. After being awoken yet again by my upstairs neighbor’s beat boxing washing machine, I decided to come up with 10 Simple Rules for Apartment Dwellers.

1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

2. 6:30 am is never an acceptable time to do laundry, especially if your washing machine is unbalanced. An unbalanced washing machine needs repair, not constant, early morning usage. Save the laundry for after the socially acceptable time of 9 am or, better yet, the weekends.

3. If your child has tantrums, deal with it, don’t just let them scream in their bedroom for hours. I’m not a parent, so I can’t really empathize with parents of toddlers, but it’s unecessary. I understand that children scream, cry, and stomp around. But, if you live in an apartment (especially on the second, third, or higher floors), your neighbors can hear everything. Allowing your child to scream bloody murder every night is not acceptable. When earplugs can’t drown out your child’s screams, there is a problem.

4. As far as I know, King Kong is not apartment friendly. Therefore, getting up to get a glass of water should not sound like he is your house guest. Stomping isn’t funny.

5. If you have a party, awesome. Have fun. But sitting on your balcony every night, playing your music, drinking your drinks, and sharing your woes with the entire community is not really the most apartment-friendly kind of demeanor. Especially when you’re sharing after midnight. On a workday. Not cool.

6. If you live in an upstairs apartment, please, please do not put any kind of grease down your drain. Get a glass jar for hot grease and keep it under your sink. When you put grease down your drain, it blocks up in mine. The plumbers should not be on a first name basis.

7. Please don’t put your trash in your neighbor’s trash can. My apartment community has the glorious service known as valet trash. It’s a wonderful time saver, but please do not put your McDonald’s bag in my trash can just because it is out for pick up. Use your own can.

8. Living in Florida dictates that you own a variety of colorful swimwear. Awesome. Please use said swimwear at the pool; I don’t want to see your bikini-clad not-so-beach body in the courtyard. That’s why we have two gorgeous pools overlooking Tampa Bay.

9. Pick up after your pets. Really, this should be a given, right?

10. Be nice. I’ll say hi, you’ll smile, and we’ll both go about the rest of our day. It’s really that simple.

3 thoughts on “Home Sweet Apartment: 10 Simple Rules

  1. My neighbor just stopped by to ask if he could go into my attic. He swore that there was someone in his attic and wanted to see if he was in mine too.

    He based all of this information on: “[stuff] was moved around” and “I am missing a shoe.”

    **I would also like to note that he was sweaty, eyes dialated, and extremely paranoid. Coincidence?**

  2. Hi there! I came across your blog while searching for ideas for apartment living. I ❤ your post!! While reading, I had one of those moments where you're supposed to be working, and your coworkers start peeking in to see what is so funny…lol… I'm currently searching for an apartment. I've been using one of these sites and I was thinking they should include a list like yours, so people know these rules before they even secure an apartment!! Thanks for the list and laughs. 🙂

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